12 Questions you should ask before moving in together
Cohabitation is a serious step and one that should only be made when you’re ready to commit to a long term relationship. Take time to ask yourself and your partner questions about what this new chapter would mean for you so you can be sure of making the right decision.
1) Is cohabitation right for you?
Cohabitation isn’t right for everyone, some people like their privacy or being independent too much to consider moving in with their partner. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love them, it just means that their personality means it’s easier for them to live alone. Think about how you feel when you lived with roommates because living with your partner will be more intimate and at times stressful because of the type of relationship it is. Cohabitation might not be for you if you struggled with living someone in the past.
2) Will this be a long term relationship?
If you’re not serious about them then you’re going to make less of an effort because you know it’s going to end soon and then you’re stuck living as roommates until they find a new place to live. If it’s long term then you’ll try to make things go as smoothly as possible.
3) Are you moving in for the right reasons?
You need to ask yourself if you’re moving in together for the right reasons or if you’re doing it because it’s the next step in your relationship and is expected to happen or is seen as a way to decrease your living expenses. Both of you need to be ready to make a bigger commitment to each other and be willing to build a life together if you want this to be a positive step forward in your lives.
4) Whose name will be on the lease?
If you’re moving in with them or they’re moving in with you then it might be a good idea to add their name to the lease and if you’re moving into a new place then both of you should sign the lease. This is a good way to protect yourself legally if the relationship ends badly and it makes you feel like you’re doing this as a couple. Some people don’t want to be on the lease because a poor credit rating might mean a larger security deposit so you need to figure out whose name or names will be on the lease.
5) Will the sexual spark stay?
Living together can make you get in a rut because there’s more routine to your lives since you’re seeing each other more often. This can lead to a feeling of boredom which will affect your sex life. You need to come up with a few ideas to keep the sexual spark alive or else your relationship will lose its passion. Talk to your partner about having regular date nights or make an effort to be romantic so this doesn’t happen to you.
6) Do you understand there will be lifestyle changes?
You might think that moving in together is no big deal, especially if it’s a long term relationship but there will be lifestyle changes. Both of you need to understand that you have to start making more decisions as a couple and you need to consider each other’s feelings when it comes to small things like sharing the bathroom in the morning or dealing with different sleep schedules.
7) What does this move mean to you?
You need to talk about what this move means to you so that both of you are on the same page. Is this a step towards marriage or are you testing the waters to see if your relationship is as strong as you hope it is? You don’t want your partner thinking about marriage when you see this move as a convenient way to combine living expenses. Both of you need to know what the goal of this move is.
8) Will you move somewhere new?
Deciding where to move is a big deal because it’s easier if one person moves into the other’s home because only one person is moving. However, this can make them feel like it’s not really their home which can make it difficult for them emotionally. If you move into a new place then it takes more work but it also feels like you’re starting a new chapter as a couple. You need to figure out whether or not you’ll move in together or find a new place together.
9) How will you stop them from becoming a roommate?
Living with your partner is not like having a roommate and you need to be careful you don’t treat them this way because they’re going to feel unloved. You need to remember that they’re your partner and you’re making a life with them, you need to keep the intimacy alive. If they move in with you then make them feel like it’s their place too by letting them do some decorating and be more flexible when it comes to doing chores.
10) How will you share household expenses?
You need to discuss household expenses before you move in together because this will cause fights if you don’t. Sit down and make a budget so you need how much you have to spend and divide the bills in a way that is fair to both of you. It’s also a good idea to designate one person for being in charge of paying the bills so you don’t accidentally miss a payment.
11) What items does your home need?
You need to make a list of what your home needs and what items are important to keep because some things will need to go. There won’t be enough room for all of your stuff and theirs so de-clutter and get rid of any items you have multiples of, especially big furniture items like beds, chairs and tables. This will make your home feel more tidy and nice to be in.
12) How will you divide household chores?
Dividing household chores is important because it’s not fair for one person to be doing all of them and this will lead to them getting upset. Talk about what chores you don’t mind doing and compromise because chores need to be done and it’s not a big deal who does them. You could make a chore list so you take turns doing them and can keep track of what needs to be done.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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