What is demisexual? 11 Signs you may be a demisexual person
The term ‘demisexual’ is not as well known as asexual and pansexual so you might not realize that this might apply to you. It’s closely related to those orientations so you might find it helpful to find out if you really are demisexual because it will help you understand why you feel the way you do about sex. The main aspect of being demisexual is the need for an emotional connection before being able to have sexual desire for someone, which can make relationships difficult for you.
1) You need love before having sex
People get demisexual and asexual confused because they both refer to people who have a lack of interest in sex. With asexuals, it is a general lack of sexual desire but with demisexuals there is sexual desire but only after an emotional connection has been made. If you need to establish a friendship with someone before even considering sleeping with them, even if you find them very attractive, then you’re probably a demisexual. You need to feel emotionally close to them and find it easier to date friends because this makes it easier for you to have sexual feelings for them, which means you take a lot of time establishing relationships.
2) Little things get your attention
When you meet someone new you’ll notice little things first, like a nice dress they’re wearing or the way the act laidback, and you’ll notice their sex appeal last. This is something that comes naturally to you because the way they look ties in to their sex appeal and that isn’t an automatic attraction for you. Your friends will notice a sexy person right away and will make comments but you’ll notice their personality and will make your decision based on that for whether or not you see them as someone you’d like to sleep with.
3) You have trouble talking to your friends about dating
A demisexual has trouble talking to friends about dating because the conversation turns to sex and that’s something they see differently than everyone else which makes them feel awkward. If you try to avoid conversations about dating or sex because you know you won’t fit in because you don’t understand why they’re so invested in having a lot of sex then this could be the reason why.
4) You don’t understand the excitement surrounding sex
There’s an idea that sex is this amazing, fun thing that everyone loves to do and anyone who doesn’t like it is weird. You’re the type of person who looks at the former and wonder why they make such a big deal out of sex. You know it can be fun but you also know that it takes a long time before the relationship gets to that point. You focus more on what it takes to build a relationship and sex is one of the last things you think about.
5) Sex isn’t a necessity
You get satisfaction from other things like intimacy, love and trust because these are the qualities that are most important to you. You want to have a strong bond with them and don’t see how sex can create it so you spend more time working on other aspects of the relationship.
6) You’re attracted to their personality
Someone who is pansexual or demisexual is attracted to someone’s personality and their looks are a secondary factor. You see what makes them special, how they can make you happy and what would make you a great couple. You want to spend time finding out what their hobbies are what makes them laugh and what they have in common with you. Once you feel like you know them as a person then you can start letting yourself fantasize about sleeping with them.
7) Honesty and commitment are what you want
Honesty and commitment are a priority in your relationships and sex is something that you’re not too worried about. You tend to date people who view sex the same way as you because you know this type of relationship has a better chance of being successful. You and your partner don’t fight over a lack of a sex life and work on having open, honest conversations and spending quality time together.
8) You don’t watch porn
A lack of interest in porn is a big sign of being a demisexual person because there’s no intimacy or connection between you and the porn performers. It’s missing what you need to feel sexual desire and it doesn’t help you get turned on unless the performer reminds you of someone you know. You find it easier to get aroused by fantasizing about someone you already have feelings for, like a close friend or an ex. This is because there’s already an emotional connection between the two of you and that is what sets off sexual sparks.
9) You never flirt with strangers
If you never flirt with strangers because you’ve never felt attracted to them then you might be demisexual. You find no appeal in flirting with strangers at a bar or using hookup sites because you don’t know them and you feel awkward and uninterested in being so intimate with them. You’d rather talk to them and find out what they’re like before deciding if their someone you want to get to know better. You’re also likely to wait for them to make the first move unless enough time has passed that you feel ready to take the next step.
10) One night stands don’t interest you
Having a one night stand is something you’d never do for the same reasons you’d never flirt with a stranger. The lack of connection between the two of you means you have no sexual interest in them so the night will end badly because neither of you are on the same page. You find no meaning in sex with a stranger and doing something like that isn’t something you think about. When you are looking for a hookup you spend lots of time messaging them before meeting and will wait until a few dates before having sex so you can get to know them.
11) You’re not overly affectionate
You crave intimacy and that can happen in different ways besides kissing or sexual touching. You’re not overly affectionate because you get intimacy from your partner by other ways like having meaningful conversations, snuggling up on the couch, sharing something personal or using body language like eye contact and smiling. These small gestures are personal and help make the bond you have deeper which make it easier for you to desire sex with them.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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