Beware the overshare: 8 Things you shouldn’t open up about when you start a relationship
When you start a relationship there are some topics you shouldn’t overshare about because it’s inappropriate or can cause a bad first impression. There are some obvious topics, like how many sex partners you’ve had or wanting marriage right away, but there are some topics you may not have thought of, like having an active dating life or what your dislikes are. Once you know what you shouldn’t overshare with a new partner you can start a relationship on the right foot.
1) How much you date
You shouldn’t say things like you’ve been out on a lot of dates but you know this time it’s different because you feel a strong attraction to them or that dating is so much easier now that online dating sites are popular. They’re going to think you don’t take dating seriously and that they shouldn’t get too emotionally involved because the relationship won’t last long. You need to keep your dating history to yourself so that you seem like the type of person who doesn’t rush into things and is willing to take the time needed to make a meaningful connection with someone before dating them.
2) What happened to your last relationship?
Your last relationship is something you shouldn’t overshare because you’re starting a new relationship and it should feel fresh and exciting. Talking about your ex will bring up emotional baggage and make your new partner feel uncomfortable because this isn’t something they want to get involved with. If you overshare about your ex they’re going to think you’re not over them and that they’re just a rebound date. You can casually mention being single for awhile but don’t talk about what led to the breakup or how you feel about your ex. If they ask you about it then answer them so they don’t feel like you’re hiding something but keep things vague.
3) How much money you have
Some people like to impress their dates by mentioning how good their job is, expensive items they own or the last vacation they went on but you need to be careful with how much you do this. You don’t want to seem arrogant nor do you want to attract a gold digger so don’t overshare how much money you have or what you own. You can dress nicely but don’t show off possessions and when you go out on dates take them to affordable places. Wait until the relationship has gotten serious then slowly let them know about your financial situation and only when you absolutely have to because some things should be kept personal.
4) How many sex partners you’ve had
Your current sex partner is the only one you should be focused on so don’t bring up ones from the past. If your previous ex-partner did things that your current one doesn’t or if you have kinks you used to explore with your ex then be tactful about how you talk about it. When you want your current sex partner to try something you shouldn’t overshare and tell them what your ex did or how much they enjoyed it, instead you should say that it’s something you enjoy and want to experience with them. This puts the focus on the two of you as a couple and doesn’t bring unwanted thoughts into your partner’s mind.
5) Talking about your future plans
You should never overshare your future plans in a new relationship because you don’t know if things are going to work out between the two of you or if they’re going to be around to experience these things with you. Future plans like starting a new career, moving to a new city, taking time off to travel or any major decisions shouldn’t be shared with them until you know for sure that they’ll be affected by them. It’s normal to talk about your life and where you see yourself in a few years time so don’t avoid the subject completely, just be careful you don’t overshare by talking about your future plans as if you’re including them and don’t ask how they feel about it.
6) What annoys you?
Talking about what annoys you can bring up a lot of emotional baggage because those things annoy you for a reason and when you get caught up in strong emotions you may say things you regret. You could overshare by badmouthing other people which doesn’t make you look like a good person or you could come across as being an angry person who has little patience. These are not qualities that people want in someone they’re dating and your new relationship will quickly end if this is how you behave. You need to laugh off the little things and only get annoyed when it’s appropriate so you can show them that you’re a well balanced and relaxed person.
7) Your insecurities
Your insecurities can also bring up a lot of emotional baggage that you don’t need to be dealing with when you’re starting a new relationship. It’s okay to feel nervous when you start dating new and think about all the things you wish you could change about yourself but you shouldn’t overshare them with your partner. They’re dating you because they’re interested in you and that is what you need to be focusing on, not your flaws. Try to see that your insecurities are only going to be obstacles in your relationship if you make it that way and that they’re a bigger deal to you than they are to your partner.
8) Your desire for marriage and children
Marriage and children are topics that should be discussed only when the relationship is serious and you know that these are life events that you want to share with your partner. If you bring these issues up at the start of a new relationship they’re going to feel pressure and feel like you’re moving too fast. Marriage and children are things you should only consider after a lot of thought and you need to do these things with the right person so keep those desires pushed to the back of your mind. Enjoy your relationship and get to know each other before you overshare your desire for marriage and children.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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