9 Common mistakes couples make when trying Polyamory
Starting a polyamorous relationship can be a fun way to take things to the next level with your partner and find a new way to satisfy your sex drive. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and rush into it but if you do that you’ll end up making mistakes which could make being in a polyamorous relationship a failure for you and cause permanent damage to your original relationship. You need to take things slowly and make sure you’re on the same page as your partner so you can successfully explore this new lifestyle together.
1) Being in a polyamorous to fix a problem
It’s normal for couples to have problems in their relationship, like a waning sex drive or fighting, but there are right and wrong ways of dealing with them. If you think trying something new, like being in a polyamorous relationship, will be a good distraction from your problems then you’re making a mistake. You need to be in a healthy place in your current relationship before taking things further because it involves a lot of changes and stability which you won’t have if you’re struggling with your partner.
2) Being jealous about sharing your partner
Fantasy and reality are two very different things and you may think it’s sexy to share your partner with someone else but when it happens you could get jealous. You’ll see how much attention your partner is getting from the new person and how much they like it and you’ll get jealous because they’re not like that with you. Instead of getting upset and deciding to end the polyamorous relationship, you need to remember that your partner is enjoying sharing their life with someone new because it’s exciting and different. Their feelings for you haven’t changed and you need to see it as a special experience for them.
3) Not taking both of your desires into consideration
Some couples get caught up in the excitement of starting a polyamorous relationship and rush into picking a new partner but this is something that you should take your time doing. Both of you will have ideas on how things should go and what you want and you need to talk thoroughly about these things so that both of you are on the same page. If one of you don’t get what you want then you’re not going to enjoy the new relationship as much as your partner and you won’t want to continue it.
4) Not fully embracing the new partner
In a polyamorous relationship all three (or more) of the people involved need to be treated as equals but people who are new to this lifestyle see it as a sex thing and don’t realize how deep the connection goes. If you treat your new partner as just someone who can satisfy your sex drive then it won’t last long because they want to be in a real relationship. They’ll leave if you don’t fully embrace them and make an effort to get to know them and include them in your life.
5) Not being honest with each other on your Polyamory journey
If you think your new partner isn’t a good fit for you or you think things are moving too fast then you need to be honest about it and let your partner know how you feel. You have to be clear on how you feel at all points of your Polyamory journey so there’s no misunderstandings and all of you are happy with how things are going.
6) Being unaware of all the potential changes that will happen
There are a lot of emotional, mental and relationship changes that happen when you start a polyamorous relationship and not being aware of this can make things more difficult for you. You have to make sure you don’t get blinded by the excitement and you take the time to think about all the things that will be different from now on, like having a higher sex drive from the excitement of trying something new and balancing your time and love between two partners instead of one. You can go online and talk to people who are experienced in the lifestyle, talk to your partner and talk about different scenarios that could happen.
7) Mistaking a polyamorous relationship with cheating
When you’re in a polyamorous relationship it’s about all three of you building a life together and you have to be honest with your main partner about when you see your new partner and what you want to do with them. If you have a higher sex drive then your main partner and you have sex with your new partner without telling them then they could see it as cheating. You won’t because you think you’re in a relationship together but it is cheating because you’re keeping it a secret. You need to let your main partner know when you’re hooking up without them so they don’t get jealous or hurt.
8) Expecting your partner to want the same things as you
Even though you and your partner have talked about what you want from a polyamorous relationship and you think they want the same things as you, you can’t expect them to always feel that way. You can’t make decisions without them because you think they’ll agree with you or do something alone with your new partner because you think they wouldn’t mind. You might not know your main partner as well as you think you do and if you make a decision without consulting them you could upset them. You should always consider the idea that they’ll want something different and don’t make decisions by yourself.
9) Forgetting about your original relationship
Even though a polyamorous relationship is about all about starting a new life together you shouldn’t forget about your original relationship. Your main partner will remember how things used to be and they might have times when they miss it. If you don’t do things like spend time together as a couple or go on date nights without your new partner then they may went to end things and go back to being just a couple. You have to make an effort to build your polyamorous relationship while also maintaining and nurturing your original relationship so things stay strong between the two of you.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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