8 Clear signs you’re in a codependent relationship
When you’re dating you need to make sure you’re in a healthy relationship so that it can be long lasting and your mental and emotional well-being will be in a good state. When you’re in a codependent relationship you’re going to gradually become unhappy and stressed while losing your identity. You don’t want to live this way so you need to learn the signs of codependency and decide if you’re in a healthy relationship or a codependent relationship.
1) You overlook all of their flaws
Everyone has flaws but when you’re in a codependent relationship you won’t deal with your partner’s flaws the right way. When you’re in a healthy relationship you’ll overlook small flaws that don’t affect you and will talk to your partner about any major flaws that could cause a problem between the two of you so they understand how you feel and can change what they’re doing. When you’re in a codependent relationship you’ll overlook all of their flaws because you don’t want to upset them and want to keep pretending that they’re perfect. If you start seeing their flaws you’ll have to accept that you’re not in a fairy tale romance and that you were wrong about how perfect your partner was.
2) You need them to help you make decisions
Codependency makes you so reliant on your partner that you lose your identity and the ability to think for yourself. Once you’ve been in a codependent relationship for awhile you’ll stop making decisions by yourself because you’ll second guess your decisions and need your partner to reassure you what the right thing to do is. You’ll run everything by your partner first because what they want is more important than what you want and most of the decision making will be up to them instead of it being a compromise between the two of you. Eventually they’ll get used to things being this way and they won’t even bother asking for your opinion on things, they’ll just tell you what’s going to happen.
3) You don’t know what to do when you’re alone
A codependent relationship makes you rely on your partner so much that when you have time for yourself you won’t know what to do. Being alone will be a rare experience and you’ll be bored because your partner won’t be around to tell you what to do. It feels weird to do something by yourself so you stay home and wait for them to get back. When you start feeling lonely you’ll remind yourself that you’re in love and pretend that nothing is wrong. This affects your social life and you won’t be doing things you enjoy, like hobbies or exercising. Your partner has become your whole life which isn’t how a healthy relationship is supposed to be.
4) You take on their worries
In a healthy relationship you will be affected when your partner is upset about something or is struggling to deal with a problem but when there’s too much codependency you’ll take on your partner’s problems as your own. Your emotions will be intensified and you’ll feel like the problem is happening to you instead of to them and it will be all you can think about. You’ll ignore what’s going on in your own life until you find a way to help your partner and they’ll start expecting you to always be there for them.
5) You go everywhere as a couple
When you’re in a codependent relationship you’ll go everywhere as a couple because your identity is all about being a couple instead of being two individuals who are going through life together. All of the plans you make will include your partner and you avoid activities that you know your partner doesn’t like even if you do like them because you want them to be happy. Your codependency is so strong that you’ll turn down invites if your partner can’t go and your friends will make jokes about you and your partner being joined at the hip.
6) You don’t have a social life
A big sign that you’re in a codependent relationship is when you lose your social life because you’re spending all of your time with your partner. You lose touch with your friends and they’ll stop inviting you to hang out with them because they know that you’ll either insist on bringing your partner with you or will spend the whole night talking about them. If you were in a healthy relationship both of you would spend time apart and spend time with friends without missing your partner or thinking only about them.
7) Your self-worth comes from them
Some of your self-worth will come from your partner because they’re a big part of your life and they know you very well so you value their opinion of you. In a healthy relationship you’ll also get your self-worth from other people, like yourself, family, friends and co-workers so you have a balanced view of yourself. A codependent relationship is about your complete reliance on your partner and their opinion is the only one that matters to you. The way they think about you is how you’ll think about yourself and you’ll find it difficult to detach their thoughts from yours. You’ll even ignore your family and friends and tell yourself that they’re wrong and don’t know you as well as your partner does.
8) You’re terrified of breaking up
Everyone worries that they’ll break up with their partner and will have to deal with heartbreak but this feeling is different depending on the type of relationship you’re in. This worry will only be in the back of your mind if you’re in a healthy relationship and your codependency on your partner is at a normal level because you know there’s other people out there for you to date. If you’re in a codependent relationship you’ll be terrified of breaking up with your partner and this fear will be intense because you can’t imagine life without them. It causes you actual physical pain when you think about breaking up and you’d do things you never thought you would just to stay with them.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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