10 Clear signs you’re being manipulated in a relationship & what to do about it
There are some behaviours you should never put up with in a relationship because they can be damaging to your mental and emotional well-being. When your partner is doing things like making you dependent on them or using emotional manipulation to get what they want you need to know how to deal with it so that the situation doesn’t get worse. Once you can deal with it effectively you can see if your partner is willing to change or if it’s time to break up.
1) They make you doubt your decisions
One way your partner can use emotional manipulation with you is to gradually over time mock your ability to make decisions. They question why you do certain things or tell you that you made a mistake because they want you to doubt your decisions. When you doubt your decisions you feel like you’re dumb and you’re going to rely more on your partner. To stop them from doing this to you, you need to talk about decisions together as a couple and agree on an action before doing anything that way if it goes wrong they get some of the responsibility and it’s not all your fault.
2) They use emotional manipulation to isolate you
Emotional manipulation is a good way for an abusive person to be controlling because it creates a strong response in the other person and makes them feel negative emotions like guilt. When you do something your partner doesn’t like then they’re going to say things like “You never spend any time with me anymore” or “I’ll just be home alone.” when you want to hang out with friends. You need to separate your feelings from your wants and tell your partner that you still love them but it’s important that you spend time with your friends.
3) They always need you with them
Your partner is going to always have an excuse for why you need to spend time with them even when it’s not necessary because they want to control you. They use emotional manipulation to do this by acting like you forgot to do something important or they make you feel guilty about not wanting to be with them. These instances can happen when they suddenly decide you’re going to have a date night or they need you to pick something up at the store. When they get too needy you need to flip things around and ask them why they always need help, make them feel like they’re being too demanding.
4) Questions are intimidating demands
It’s normal to ask questions but when there’s emotional manipulation being used those questions will have an undertone of intimidation and you know they’re actually demands. Your partner wants you to be submissive or agree with them so they say “Do you really want to go there?” or “Really? You’re going to do that?”. You have to act like their emotional manipulation doesn’t bother you and instead of giving them what they want, you need to answer their questions at face value and say “Yes, I do want to go there.”.
5) You take the blame for everything
A relationship is about two people building a life together where both of you are happy, loved and treated like equals. When emotional manipulation is being used it’s going to become one-sided. You’re going to take the blame for everything that goes wrong while your partner gets all of the praise for everything that goes well. The only way you can deal with this is by only taking responsibility for what’s your fault and being insistent on not apologizing for your partner’s mistakes.
6) They gaslight you
Gaslighting is a common part of emotional manipulation and is when someone twists reality in order to make you think you’re wrong or crazy. Your partner lies about what really happened or won’t tell you something but pretend that they did. You’re going to doubt everything and make you a nervous wreck unless you deal with it. You have to keep track of everything and not be afraid of standing up to your partner when they try to gaslight you.
7) You’re expected to prove your love
When you’re in a relationship you show your love in lots of ways, from giving back rubs and making dinner when you’re partner is tired to providing emotional support. If emotional manipulation is being used on you then that isn’t good enough and you’re expected to constantly prove your love. Everything you do is a measure of your love and if it doesn’t live up to your partner’s expectations then they get upset. You have to tell them that if they don’t believe you love them then you’re willing to say it or show it more but they can’t measure love by all actions.
8) You feel like you’re lucky to have a partner
After a long period of emotional manipulation you’re self-esteem is going to be damaged and you feel lucky that someone is willing to put up with you. Your partner always says that you’re difficult to be around, you make bad decisions and they don’t know why they’re still with you. When they act this way towards you, you have to remember that they’re lying and ask them why they’re still with you if you’re really such a bad person. Call their bluff and tell them that if they feel that way about you then maybe they should date someone who is better for them.
9) They’re in control of making decisions
A relationship full of emotional manipulation is a one-sided situation and you don’t have control in how you live your life. Your partner makes all of the decisions without consulting you and they expect you to do as they say. You don’t want to believe you’re in an abusive relationship so you lie to yourself and say that they’re not doing it on purpose or that they’re better at making decisions then you are. You have to start being part of the decision making process and refuse to go along with everything that your partner wants.
10) They’re never upfront about what they mean
When you’re used to emotional manipulation you know that your partner never means what they say and you have to read between the lines. They say nothing is wrong but you know it is and you waste time trying to figure out what happened. They do this to confuse you and is similar to gaslighting because it’s to keep you off balance and doubting what’s going on. You can only deal with this by putting them on the spot and asking them for clarification on what they’re saying.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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