11 signs you are the toxic one in your relationship and what to do
You might not realize you’re in a toxic relationship, especially if the problem is you because you either don’t know how damaging your personality is or you don’t want to admit it. If you want to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone you love then you need to look out for relationship red flags and make sure you’re not the cause of them.
1) You want 100% of your partner’s attention
Think about how much attention you demand from your partner because you don’t want to be someone who’s high maintenance and expects them to be solely focused on you. If you feel unloved or unwanted when they spend time with their friends then try reminding yourself that they deserve a social life too and you’re the one they love.
2) You get jealous easily
Getting jealous easily is one of those relationship red flags that easily recognizable because it’s an intense emotion. You shouldn’t get jealous if your partner wants to do normal things like see friends, do hobbies or have some time alone because those are activities that everyone needs in their life. If you find jealousy flaring up when your partner spends time away from you then you could try finding activities you can do together.
3) You get angry and take it out on them
Everyone gets angry but it’s not healthy to always take it out on your partner just because they’re your other half. Your temper is going to make them feel unloved and scared which could mean the eventual end of the relationship. When you find yourself getting angry you need to take a deep breath or take a break for a few minutes to calm down then talk to your partner about what’s upsetting you.
4) Revenge is more important than dealing with problems
Your first impulse shouldn’t be revenge when your partner does something to upset, whether it’s by accident or on purpose. It’s not a healthy response and will only make the situation worse but if you’re the toxic one then this might be the only thing you consider doing. Doing something to hurt your partner will put a strain on the relationship so you need to find more positive ways of dealing with problems. You can try talking to them more and being honest about how you feel so the understand how their behaviour affects you.
5) You emotionally manipulate them
Being emotionally manipulative is one of the big relationship red flags because it’s done in a subtle way but it can be very damaging. You should never do things like guilt your partner into doing something they don’t want to do or threatening to stop loving them if they don’t always agree with you. Using emotions to get things your way is wrong and you need to learn how to use emotions in a healthy way. You can do this by understanding that sometimes you need to compromise and that some decisions need to be made with the mind and not the heart.
6) You blow hot and cold
You might not realize you’re the problem if the issue is part of your personality. Blowing hot and cold is difficult for other people to deal with but you won’t notice it since you’ve always acted that way. To change this behaviour you need to take time to think before you say or do something so you can make decisions that you can stick with. This will make you a more reliable person and your partner will feel like they can depend on you. It will also cause less fighting and you’ll feel more relaxed because you’re more focused.
7) You act like problems don’t matter
Acting like problems don’t matter will cause problems to get worse and it will make your partner feel like you don’t care about them or your relationship. You might ignore problems because you don’t like confrontation or you’re not good at taking responsibility but it doesn’t matter because it’s causing damage. Actions speak louder than words and your partner will leave you for someone who cares about them if you don’t change. You need to deal with problems when they happen and work with your partner to find a solution that makes both of you happy.
8) You never apologize
Never apologizing for your behaviour even when you know you’ve done something wrong is an act you’re doing on purpose. You might not mean to put the blame on your partner and just want to avoid admitting a mistake but it’s still not healthy. You shouldn’t blame your partner for everything and if you’re doing this you need to learn how to apologize when you’re at fault. Listen to your partner when they say you’ve upset them and if you know they’re right then swallow your pride, apologize and try not to do it again.
9) You make all of the decisions
You can be the cause of a controlling, toxic relationship if you insist on being the one who makes all the decisions or makes their partner feel like they’re not good enough to be independent. It can be decisions about small things like where to go on date night or big things like where to move to, if you’re the one in charge then your partner is going to resent you. It might come naturally to you to be the decision maker but you need to learn to ask your partner for their opinion and compromise now and again.
10) You blame them for everything
Blaming your partner for everything is part of the behaviour that involves you never apologizing. It is possible to never apologize and ignore the issue so no one gets the blame but it’s also possible to directly blame them. Getting upset at your partner and repeatedly telling them it’s their fault will take the pressure off you but will put a strain on the relationship. Your partner is going to feel worthless and will make less of an effort at making things work between the two of you. You should only blame them if it really is their fault but do it in a calm, gentle way so they know you forgive them.
11) You throw their mistakes back at them
Everyone makes mistakes and it’s tempting to throw it back in their face during an argument. If this is your way of always winning a fight then you have a problem. Once you’ve forgiven your partner you should forget it happened and focus on the issue at hand when you’re fighting. Bringing up past mistakes will only make the fight last longer and shows your partner that you were lying when you forgave them.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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