8 Signs your partner may be emotionally unavailable
Dating someone who is emotionally unavailable may happen to you because emotions can be difficult things to deal with and it’s easier to ignore them or be evasive when things get too close for comfort. If you suspect your partner struggles with being emotionally unavailable you need to learn what the signs are because this is something that is going to affect your relationship and your life. You need to decide if these are personality traits you can live with or if you need to do some serious thinking about making a long term commitment with your partner.
1) Things never progress past flirting
You may get hooked on your partner because they’re always flirting with you and keeping things fun and playful but this doesn’t mean their feelings for you are genuine. Someone who is emotionally unavailable will spend most of their time flirting with you instead of developing a meaningful relationship with you because this doesn’t seriously involve any emotions. They prefer relationships that are shallow because it’s something they can deal with and they’ll break up with you if you push them into taking things further. Your partner will flirt and tell you they can’t resist you but when you want to move in together or get married they’ll do whatever they can to stop it from happening.
2) They act evasive
Your partner may act evasive with you if they have problems with getting too close to people because it stirs up uncomfortable emotions. They’ll keep an emotional distance and when you try to pin down how they feel they’ll pull away or try to change the subject. You’ll tell yourself that they love you because they’re dating you but you’ll have doubts because they never tell you that they love you. They’ll also use vague words like ‘care about you’ or ‘want you’ when describing how they feel but they won’t go deeper than that and it’ll lack sincerity because they can’t properly inflect their tone to show how they feel.
3) They don’t share personal things with you
They won’t share personal things with you because it’s difficult for them to express how these things make them feel. They’ll know lots about you but you’ll only know the most basic things about them and when you talk to them about personal things they’ll get evasive and show discomfort by fidgeting or avoiding eye contact. You’ll see how uncomfortable they are and will stop the conversation so you won’t get truly close to them or form a tight bond. You won’t know what their deepest secret is, what their hopes for the future are or anything else that is closely connected to emotions and this will put your relationship on shaky ground.
4) They ignore problems
Ignoring problems is a classic sign of someone who is emotionally unavailable because they’re hoping it will go away on it’s own and they won’t have to confront the emotions the problem brings up. This can have a big negative impact on your relationship because problems can get worse over time and this will cause stress and anxiety. You’ll quickly realize that it’s best not to mention any issues because nothing will be done about them and you’ll wonder if your partner really cares about how you feel or how the relationship is going. You’ll also start to lie to them when you need to hide a problem and this will drive a wedge between the two of you.
5) They react badly when you get too close
Reacting badly and causing a fuss is something your partner will do when you get too close to them or try to make them open up about their feelings. They’ll start a fight, belittle you by saying you’re acting stupid, be dismissive of your feelings or act rude as a defense mechanism because you’re pushing their emotional buttons. They hope that by acting this way you’ll back off and leave them alone so they can go back to keeping their emotions locked away. They also do this because they’re showing you what happens when you push them and are teaching you what topics you should always avoid with them so they don’t have to go through this again with you.
6) Negative emotions are more easily expressed
It’s easier to express negative emotions instead of positive ones because it’s usually less emotional. With anger or annoyance you can yell or throw something and it relieves the pressure but with sadness or fear you have to be more vulnerable and know how to express yourself in a way that makes you feel safe. If your partner is emotionally unavailable they’ll spend most of their time expressing their negative emotions and you’ll feel drained being around them. Your mood drops when you’re with them and you’ll try to cheer them up but nothing works because being negative is how they’ve learned to live their life.
7) Everything is always fine with them
When your partner isn’t in a negative mood they’ll be fine and you won’t see much else from them when it comes to emotions. They’re keeping it vague by saying they’re fine because they’re letting you know they’re okay without bringing emotions into the conversation. If you try to get more of a definitive answer they’ll laugh it off and repeat that they’re fine and that you’re being silly. They’re deflecting your concern and trying to keep things in a place that’s comfortable for them. This makes you think everything really is fine and eventually you’ll stop being able to recognize when something is wrong until it’s too late.
8) They use other tactics for you to get hooked
You need to get hooked by your partner if you want to keep dating them and they know this but they also know their limitations in the emotions department so they’ll use other tactics to keep you interested. They’ll flatter you to make you feel like the most important person in the world so you’ll spend more time with them and they’ll tell you how important you are to them to manipulate you into staying with them. You’ll get hooked on them because they make you feel good and you won’t notice that these are empty gestures with no real emotion behind them.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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