8 Warning signs a friend might be in an abusive relationship and need your help
An abusive relationship isn’t always obvious and is something that can happen gradually over time so if your friend started out happy and in love it doesn’t mean that’s how it is now. They may have gotten stuck in a toxic relationship and don’t know what to do so they’re trying to hide it from everyone but you can notice what’s going on if you pay attention and look for certain warning signs. If you get the feeling that something is wrong you need to talk to your friend and let them know that you think they’re in an abusive relationship and that they have your support.
1) Their body language is troubling
People who are in an abusive relationship are under a lot of stress and fear which can show itself through negative body language. You’re going to notice a change in the way your friend acts because they’re going to be more jittery and on edge. They’re expecting to be verbally or physically abused so they’re going to be more tense, they’re not going to make frequent eye contact, they going to be more clumsy and they’re going to be startled more easily. They can’t relax, even with you, because they’re always thinking about their partner’s temper and that’s not going to start to change until they leave their abusive relationship and start to heal.
2) They feel guilty for spending time with you
Your friend is going to feel guilty about being away from their partner and spending time with you instead. This is because their partner has been making comments about being abandoned or not being show enough love and is trying to cut off everyone so they have their partner to themselves. When you’re hanging out with your friend they’re going to make comments about being in a rush or feeling bad about not being with their partner or they’re going to constantly text their partner so they’re still in contact.
3) They cover themselves up more
An abusive relationship can be mental, emotional or physical and sometimes a combination of those three. If your friend is in an abusive relationship and it’s become physical then they’re going to start covering themselves up more to cover the bruises. You’re going to notice that the clothes they wear are inappropriate because they’ll be wearing long-sleeved shirts even when it’s warm inside and will avoid activities like exercising where they have to wear somewhat revealing outfits. They don’t want you to see the bruises and if you ask about their clothing choices they’ll use being cold as an excuse or pretend you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
4) They worry about what their partner wants
It’s normal to worry about what your partner wants but in an abusive relationship the focus will always be on your partner and never on yourself. If your friend is always ignoring what they want and does everything they can to make their partner happy then something is wrong. When you ask about what they want they’ll say that they’re happy with whatever their partner chooses because it’s a toxic relationship and there’s no equality in it. Your friend is going to act like the relationship is only about their partner and will accuse you of blowing things out of proportion when you point this out to them because they’re gotten used to thinking this way.
5) There’s a noticeable change in behaviour
You’re going to notice an overall change in your friends behaviour if they’re in an abusive relationship and they’re going to be like a completely different person. You might mistake it for them going through a rough patch or being stressed out from work but then you’ll see that it doesn’t get better and that it intensifies when you mention their partner. Changes you need to look out for include being tired all the time, depression, always being tense, a drop in their self-confidence and a withdrawal from their social life. They can’t be bothered to deal with everyday stuff because they’re being overwhelmed by their toxic relationship.
6) They only do things as a couple
People who are in an abusive relationship tend to do things as a couple because the dominant one has so much control that their partner loses their independence. Your friend is going to be spending all of their free time with their partner and will stop socializing with their old friends because their world now revolves around their partner. They don’t notice at first that they’re now only doing things as a couple and that they no longer consider going out by themselves.
7) They’re afraid of being single
When you’re in an abusive relationship you become dependent on your partner and your self-esteem is so low that you’re grateful to be with them. When you talk to your friend about dating you’re going to have very different views on it. You’ll probably accept that break ups happen and that being single isn’t always a bad thing but your friend is scared of losing their partner and feel like if they end up being single that no one else will want them. They’ve been mentally and emotionally abused so much that they feel lucky that their partner is willing to date them.
8) They lose their self-confidence
If your friend is in a toxic relationship part of their change in behaviour is losing their self-confidence. They never have anything nice to say about themselves and will only see their flaws, which they magnify to be worse than it actually is. Whenever you compliment them they’ll shrug it off and not take you seriously because they believe you’re not serious and are only trying to be nice to them. When they make mistakes they beat themselves up over it and have a hard time letting it go. There’s nothing you can do to get them to believe in themselves again and the more you make an effort the more they are going to pull away from you because you’re making them feel uncomfortable and they don’t want to admit something is wrong.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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