8 Tips to rock your first BDSM experience and make it more enjoyable
BDSM is an experience that can help you push your boundaries and live out fantasies you’ve been dreaming of but it can also go wrong very quickly if you aren’t properly prepared for it. When you’re trying bondage or other fetish activities for the first time you can make it more enjoyable by planning how you want it to go, being safe and playing with your erogenous zones.
1) Watch amateur BDSM porn
People get a lot of inspiration for their first BDSM experience from watching porn but they don’t realize that these videos don’t show reality. They’re done by professionals who are acting out a fantasy so you need to avoid watching these ones. You need to watch amateur BDSM porn done by regular people who do these videos because they’re also exhibitionists. They are more realistic and show you how your experiences will probably go which stops you from having unrealistic expectations. There are also some instructional-style videos that show you how to practice bondage or specific fetishes safely so you’re less likely to inure yourself or your partner.
2) Think about how you want it to go
Once you’ve watched amateur BDSM porn to see the different activities that can be done you need to think about how you want your first experience to be like. Take some time by yourself to relax, close your eyes and fantasize about it step by step while thinking about how it would really feel and if a specific fetish you’re interested in is something you can handle experiencing. This fantasy needs to be realistic because this is part of how you prepare yourself and figure out your boundaries. Having an idea of how things will go can help you feel more confident and safe which is going to let you enjoy it more because you’re not worried about what’s going to happen.
3) Talk about expectations and boundaries
Each of you need to talk about the fetishes you’re interested in, how you want the experience to go and what your boundaries. When both of you have shared your thoughts you need to bring your ideas together and talk about how you can make sure each of you get your needs met. You need to clearly state your boundaries, listen to what theirs are and make sure both of you are paying attention because boundaries must always be respected. Not only will this ensure that both of you have a plan to follow but it also heightens the excitement and anticipation because you have a better idea of what to expect.
4) Choose a safe word
You need to choose a safe word even though you’ve talked to your partner and have set boundaries because they may accidentally take things too far, you may need a second to calm down or you may change your mind about something. If you don’t have a safe word then it will be harder for you to communicate that something is wrong and this can put a damper on your first BDSM experience. A safe word needs to be short and easy to remember so that you can quickly say it and deal with the situation. This helps you avoid going through something negative and help you get things back on track so you can have fun again.
5) Talk during sex
BDSM is intense and this can cause you to shut down inside as you focus on what’s going on around you. This can cause you to feel a distance from your partner and only making noises like gasping or groaning. It’s important to talk to your partner during BDSM, especially during bondage since you’re physically restricted, because you need to connect to them in a way that you’re used to so that you feel a sense of love and safety. When you talk to them you can stay in the mood by telling them that you love them or ask them if they’re okay. It’s good to check in with them to make sure that both of you are enjoying this and reminding them that no matter how physically rough it gets that it’s done with love.
6) Use ‘gentle’ toys
There are many toys that can be used for BDSM activities and you may not be ready for them physically or mentally if you’re new to exploring the fetish side of sex. A lot of toys can cause injury if you don’t know how to use them properly and some of them can be intimidating to use or have used on you so it’s best to start out with toys that are on the gentle side. These can be scarves or handcuffs for bondage, a feather tickler for teasing or a lightweight paddle for spanking. This lets you get used to the idea of submission and lets you gauge how much pain you can tolerate instead of being shocked by rough sex so you can better tailor the experience to your desires.
7) Focus on erogenous zones
Whenever you’re having a sexual experience, whether it’s BDSM or vanilla sex, it’s always going to be more enjoyable if you spend time focusing on erogenous zones because it heightens your arousal and sensitivity levels. You can do this during bondage by having your partner lick, suck, stroke or pinch your neck, nipples, genitals or lips and this is going to drive you crazy because you won’t be able to move. You can also use fetish toys like ticklers or nipple clamps to change the sensation or amount of pressure or pain that you feel. During fetish play you want to start slowly and build up the sensation so begin with light touches and gradually get rougher.
8) Incorporate aftercare
You want the entire BDSM experience to be enjoyable so you have to make sure to use aftercare at the end of it. This is when you and your partner come down from the rush of what’s just happened and ease into real life again. The roles taken during the session tend to remain and the dominant one is usually making sure that the submissive is okay. During aftercare you can do activities like holding each other, gently cleaning any wounds that happened during play or soft touching and talking. This is a quiet and relaxing time to re-connect to each other and feel safe and loved.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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