8 Tips on how to be ready for sex when it’s been a while
Having sex when it’s been a while since you were with someone is a lot scarier than when you’re hooking up with an old lover. You’re nervousness is going to be high and you think of a million things that can go wrong. Being afraid can make the experience worse because you make mistakes that could have been avoided if you went into the situation better prepared. To feel confident about being with a new partner you can look on the positive side of things and give yourself some guidelines to follow so it can be a great night together.
1) Don’t let nervousness take over
Letting nervousness take over is going to make you lose interest in having sex and you delay it until the other person thinks you’re not serious about being with them. You need to take control of your emotions and when you start feeling nervous you have to take a deep breath and tell yourself that everything is going to be fine, you’re just overreacting because it’s been so long since you last did this. Remind yourself that you’ve been with new partners before and those experiences went well so there’s no reason why this one will go badly. This helps you get into a good state of mind and you’re going to feel better about having sex again.
2) Focus on intimacy
Focusing on intimacy is something you should do in the weeks leading up to you taking things to the next level because this strengthens the bond you feel with your partner. Spend time together where your affectionate but it doesn’t lead to sex, like snuggling up while watching a movie or giving them a back rub when they’re tired. As you get closer you can show more intimacy by kissing and lightly touching each other without taking it too far. If they wonder why it doesn’t end up with having sex you can explain that you need a bit more time so they know it’ll get to that point soon.
3) Imagine what it will be like
Part of your nervousness is caused by not knowing exactly how it will go and worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing. You can lessen this by running through different scenarios of having sex, from it being a wonderful experience to it being an awkward one that turns into pleasure. You can decide what you want to do during foreplay, how wild you want to get during sex, what positions you’re comfortable doing and if you’re going to spend the night at their place. This gives you an idea of what it may be like and you can plan ahead of time things that you can say or do to make it a better experience so it goes more smoothly.
4) Take things at your pace
When you’re thinking about having sex again it’s important you take things at your pace and only do things that you’re comfortable with. If you start worrying about what your new partner wants or if you’re going too slow for them then you’re going to add unnecessary stress to the situation. Spend time by yourself to come up with your boundaries and a rough timeline for how you’d like your sexual relationship to progress. You need to know your limits and be willing to stick to them. When they push you to go further you need to be firm when you tell them you’re not ready yet and have fun doing things that you’re comfortable with so it can build up the anticipation for when you are having sex with them.
5) Give yourself a confidence boost
You want to feel confident before having sex again because you don’t want to be worrying about not looking attractive enough or feeling like you’re going to ruin a special moment. You need to give yourself a confidence boost so you can go to the bedroom with your new partner feeling like it’s going to be a great night. You can make yourself more attractive by getting a haircut, buying some new clothes or trying to lose a bit of weight so you feel sexy and desirable. You can also work on your inner voice by repeating to yourself that things are going to go well and that they’re with you because they like you and one night of having sex isn’t going to change how they feel.
6) Start with cyber-sex or mutual masturbation
You don’t need to jump right into having sex, you can try cyber sex or mutual masturbation to ease into a sexual relationship. This gives you a physical distance while getting used to having more intimacy with each other so you feel prepared when you do sleep with them. This can also stop them from losing interest in you due to a lack of a sex life and build a relationship that isn’t based on sex. You’re going to feel more confident about being naked and vulnerable around them plus you can show them how you like to be touched so they know what to do when you are actually having sex.
7) Talk to your new partner about how you feel
Talking about how you feel with your new partner can make it go from an okay experience to a great one. They need to know why you’re so nervous and taking your time to sleep with them so talking about it can help them understand what you’re going through emotionally. They’re going to be supportive and make more of an effort to make it a good experience for you. Talking about how you feel can also help you feel better about having sex with them because it can let you relieve some of the stress you’re feeling.
8) Have realistic expectations
Realistic expectations are important when you’re having sex after taking a break because you don’t want to ruin the moment. If you get caught up in excitement and build it up to be the best experience of you’re life then it’s unrealistic that it will live up to your expectations. You’re going to be disappointed and make you less excited to sleep with your new partner again. If you expect it to go badly then you’re going to have low expectations and they’ll sense your fear which affects the mood. Have realistic expectations, like it’ll be awkward at first but will gradually become better, because it gives you an idea of what will happen and you’re going to be satisfied with the results.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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