9 Things not to do after a fight with your partner
All couples fight but the way they handle the aftermath of it determines whether it damages the relationship or not. There are some things you should do, like sincerely apologize and learn from your mistakes, that will help the two of you get back to the way things were before but there are things you should never do after a fight, like use your love as punishment or be passive aggressive, because that will drive a wedge between you. You need to know all of the things you shouldn’t do after a fight so you can resolve the issue in a healthier way and move on.
1) Pretend everything is fine
Having a big fight with someone you love is painful and some people try to get rid of this pain by pretending everything is fine so they don’t dwell on negative emotions. This will only make things worse though because you know you’re not being honest with yourself and in you’ll replay the fight over and over again in your mind while acting like it doesn’t bother you. Eventually you won’t be able to fake being happy anymore and you’ll snap under the pressure which will cause another fight between you and your partner.
2) Refuse to apologize
Refusing to apologize will cause damage to your relationship, especially if the fight was your fault, because you’re telling your partner that you don’t care about hurting them and that you feel justified in your behaviour. Your partner is going to think you blame them for everything and they’ll get upset which will cause an emotional distance between the two of you. Even if you didn’t start the fight you still played a part in it and you need to sincerely apologize for what you said or did.
3) Talk about the fight online
It’s common now to post online about every little thing that happens in your life and you do this more often when it involves strong emotions because you need to vent. After a fight with your partner emotions are running high and you might go online to complain about your partner or look for support by friends who are on your side but this is something you should never do. It’s a personal matter that you shouldn’t post online because lots of people will see it and once things have calmed down you’ll regret what you’ve made public.
4) Use your love as a punishment
It’s possible to use your love as a punishment when you’re mad at your partner and this can cause emotional damage that your relationship may not recover from. Using love as a punishment involves doing things like no longer telling your partner that you love them, doing less things as a couple and being disrespectful when talking to them. Your withholding your love from them to make them suffer after the fight is done and you’ll keep doing this until you feel like they’ve paid for it but what you’re really doing is destroying the solid, loving relationship you once had.
5) Ignore them when they try to apologize
Everyone is different when it comes to dealing with issues and moving on, some need more time than others and that could be the issue between you and your partner after a fight. If you’re still upset but they’re ready to apologize then you might be tempted to ignore them or not accept their apology. That’s going to make them feel like they’re wasting their time and they’ll be less likely to make an effort at making things right. What you should do is let them apologize, sincerely accept it but tell them that you still need more time to deal with things so they understand what’s going on with you.
6) Bring up the fight later on
When a fight is over you should move on and let it stay in the past but it’s tempting to bring it up again later on when you’re upset at your partner. You want to remind them of what they did and that you haven’t forgotten it so you mention the past and this will upset them so it starts a new fight. You need to fight the urge to bring it up and try to focus on the present issue because this can keep things more stable and help you resolve the problem easier.
7) Use their words against them
It’s normal for people to say things during a fight that they didn’t mean or that they regret and when this happens it’s best that you understand it was something said in a moment of anger and let it go. If you remember what they said and throw their words back at them later on then it shows them that you’ve been lying to them about forgiving them and that you’ve been waiting until this moment to use their words against them. This breaks the trust between the two of you and they’ll be more cautious about what they say, even if it’s something good because they don’t know how you’ll react.
8) Act passive aggressive
Being passive aggressive is something you may do after a fight because you want to move on but you’re still dealing with hurt feelings. You’ll try to find a balance between the two but you’ll just end up acting passive aggressive. You’ll be nice to your partner while making it clear that you’re not sincere or pretend to forget to do something that you promised them you would do and when they confront you about it you’ll tell them that they’re overreacting. This will bother them mentally and emotionally and they’ll want to spend less time with you which could lead to a break up.
9) Avoid talking about the fight
If you don’t talk about it then any leftover resentments or issues will slowly build up again until there’s another fight but this won’t happen if you deal with it immediately. Give yourself some time to calm down after a fight then talk openly and calmly about what caused the fight, how it made you feel and how you’ll try to do things differently from now on so it doesn’t happen again.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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