9 Tips for talking to your kids when you’re a single parent dating
Dating as a single parent is something that not only affects your life but also your children’s life so you need to be careful with how you deal with this new situation. When you talk to your children about this next chapter of your life you need to do it in the right way so they feel safe and loved instead of worrying about you not being around as often or making them be friends with your new partner. Having the right attitude, explaining to them what’s going on and giving them time to adjust to the idea of you being in a relationship can make the transition go a lot smoother.
1) Don’t make it seem like a big deal
It can be scary for children to have a single parent because they rely on them more so when you tell them that you’re dating again it can upset them. They’re afraid of losing you and this fear gets worse if you make it seem like a big deal because it adds more stress to the situation. You need to make it seem like it’s something new but that it won’t be a big change for the household so they have nothing to worry about. Tell them what’s going on in a casual setting, use a light tone even though it’s a serious situation and have it be a conversation between you and your children instead of making it be all about you.
2) Let them take their time dealing with it
It takes time to get used to dating as a single parent, not just for you but also your children. After you tell them that you’re interested in dating someone you need to give them time to deal with how this makes them feel. Let them know you understand they might be upset about this and that you’re not going to rush them into liking your new partner. After your initial conversation you need to give them a few days or a week to process their feelings then check in with them to see how they now feel about it.
3) Talk about wanting to be in a new relationship
When you’re a single parent there’s going to be times when your kids ask if you’re getting back together with your ex and this is a hope they’ll keep until you make it clear it won’t be happening. This is painful for them but you can make it a little easier for them to deal with by talking about how you want to be in a new relationship. Explain that you still care about your ex but that you feel ready to move on and want to find someone special to be with because it’ll make you happy. Your kids want you to be happy so this will make them understand better why you’re looking for a new partner.
4) Answer any questions they have
Your kids are going to have questions for you when you’re a single parent getting back into the dating scene so give them a chance to ask them. They may not think of any right away so be prepared to have this discussion again at a later time. Tell them that it’s okay to ask about anything they’re wondering about, no matter how embarrassing because you want them to be honest with you. Don’t get upset if they ask about why you’re dating, if you’re using online dating sites or if you’re thinking about getting married again.
5) Ask how they feel about you being in a relationship
If you want to make your kids feel important and like you value their opinion you can ask them how they feel about you being in a relationship. You don’t want to be the kind of single parent who expects their kids to be fine with whatever you do then realize later on that they’re upset because this can affect your dating life. Be upfront about it and listen to how they feel because it can ease any negative feelings they have and it can help you see things from their point of view.
6) Let them decide when to meet your new partner
You need to understand that when you’re a single parent who’s met someone new there’s a good chance your kids don’t feel the same excitement as you. It’s scary to meet your parent’s new partner and even though you’re think they’re a great person your kids don’t want you to force them to meet or get along with them. You need to casually mention that you really like this person and it would be nice for them to come over for dinner but you want your kids to decide when that will happen. This gives them a small sense of control which makes them more likely to be open-minded and accepting of your new partner.
7) Ask if any of their friend’s have a single parent
It’s common these days to be a single parent so when you talk to your kids about dating you can make it more relatable by asking if any of their friends have a home like yours. When they mention having a friend who has parents that’s dating you can ask what they think of it, what their friend does and doesn’t like about it and you can encourage them to talk to their friend if they feel like they can’t talk to you about something. When they have a friend going through a similar situation it’s less scary and makes it seem normal so it’s easier for them to accept.
8) Use it as an opportunity to talk about online dating sites
When you’re a single parent that’s using online dating sites to meet someone then you may accidentally mention it to your kids. This can get their attention and make them curious about what those are. There are a lot of dangers with online dating sites if you don’t know how to use them properly and if your kids are old enough to use a computer unsupervised they may go on them and create a fake profile. To try and stop them from doing this you can use this as an opportunity to talk about online dating sites like adult friendfinder and why they can be dangerous for minors.
9) Choose the right moment
Choosing the right moment to talk about being a single parent dating is important because you want your kids to feel comfortable and not distracted. You can talk to them during a quiet moment in the afternoon and this should happen at home so you have privacy. If they start to get upset about you dating then you should give them a break so they can calm down and wait until later that day or another day to continue the conversation.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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