Dating tips: 9 Ways to teach a narcissist to change for the better
Some with a narcissistic personality can be tough to deal with because they lack empathy and expect constant adulation. They don’t think or act like normal people but there are a few things you can do to teach them how to change for the better.
1) Show empathy to them and others
You can set a good example for them by showing empathy to other people and making it a regular part of your personality. You can show empathy by being understanding towards people when they’re struggling with personal problems, showing kindness and respect to everyone and treat people the way you want to be treated. Your behaviour might rub off one them and help them realize that they need to start showing more empathy. There is also the chance that they’ll notice a difference in the way you act and how people respond favourably to you and how they act and the negative consequences that come with it which can give them motivation to change.
2) Stand up for yourself
People with a narcissistic personality can be domineering and they expect to be in control of everything. You need to stand up for yourself and demand they treat you as an equal because this will show them that there’s something wrong with the way they’re treating you and that you won’t tolerate it any longer. When they’re bullying you or bossing you around you need to stay calm and tell them that you don’t like the way they’re treating you and that you’ll leave if they don’t stop what they’re doing. If they don’t believe you and keep acting this way then leave and don’t come back until they’ve genuinely apologized for what they’ve done and have promised to work on their behaviour issues.
3) Help them understand their narcissistic personality
You need to help them understand that they have a narcissistic personality because they probably don’t realize it. It’s part of who they are and it’s their natural personality which is why you can’t change them completely and can only teach them new ways to behave so they have the option of trying to be a better person. Talk to them about what parts of their behaviour is bothering you and why you think it needs to change. You can use examples of things they do to other people to help support your views and show them that is isn’t just you that has a problem with them. Help them see that it’s affecting their relationship with other people as well.
4) Set boundaries and stick to them
Setting boundaries and sticking to them will help you stand up for yourself and show them what the limits are for narcissistic behaviour. These boundaries should be fair to both of you and should be the type of boundaries found in normal, healthy relationships. Give them adulation when they deserve it for things like a job promotion or accomplishing a goal, spend time with friends and family instead of devoting yourself to them, let them know when they hurt your feelings and tell them you expect to be treated as an equal. They’ll learn what the boundaries are and they’ll get used to them which will ease them into changing for the better.
5) Ignore their temper tantrums and manipulation
It’s normal for them to throw temper tantrums, manipulate people and expect constant adulation because it’s part of their personality. You can gently change this behaviour by ignoring them when they act this way. This will deprive them of the attention they want and will leave them feeling unsatisfied. It might make things more difficult between you two for awhile but you need to stand your ground. Eventually they’ll realize that this behaviour no longer gets them what they want and will stop doing it so you’ll start giving them attention again.
6) Tell them how you feel
Emotions are powerful so this might be a good way to help them understand the impact of the behaviour and make them want to change. Don’t get upset when you’re talking to them because they won’t listen. Instead, keep calm and use words that will connect with them like “ignored” and “hurt” because they understand these emotions since it’s what they feel when they don’t get adulation. Be honest and also tell them what they can do to help you feel more loved. By telling them how you feel and how to change things you’re giving them an idea of how to proceed.
7) Treat them like everyone else
When you treat them like everyone else it shows them that you won’t tolerate their narcissistic personality and that they’re not special just because they think they are. This causes them to adapt so they act like everyone else because they see how nice you are to them and want to be treated that way too.
8) Call out their lies
Someone with a narcissistic personality tends to lie easily and a lot because they don’t see anything wrong with it. They think it’s a good way to manipulate people into doing what they want and they do it so often that it ends up being something they do automatically. You need to show them how often they lie and make it clear that you know what they’re doing and won’t tolerate it. You have to be firm about this so they take you seriously and you need to do it when they actually lie instead of waiting for a better time to sit down and talk about it. By doing it when it happens you make it harder for them to deny it and you’ll be able to remember the facts more clearly.
9) Suggest professional help
Professional help can help them a lot of you can get them to agree to it but this will take time because they probably don’t realize there’s something wrong with them and might get upset if you suddenly suggest going to therapy. You can start the process by gently pointing out their flaws so they understand that their behaviour bothers you and when you feel like you know them well you can have a serious talk with them. Tell them that you love them but are worried about their behaviour so they know you’re doing this for good reasons. Be supportive and offer to try couples therapy if it would make them feel more comfortable about seeing a professional.
She is working as writer for diferent websites. She has published many hand-books about adult dating and relationships.
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